D

Dandruff (n.)
Inexplicable white spots that appear on the beige after your Q of clubs is ruffed by a male opponent with a liberal trowelling of lip-gloss and a pattern on his colorful shirt reminiscent of your grandmother's apron.

Dead (adj.)
A term used to describe many local players.

Declarer Play (n.)
A black art that one must master alone. it has been likened by some to underwear, in that it's nobody's business but your own to learn it. One's declarer play often improves with the consumption of controlled substances or when coupled with the act of peeking.

Denial Cue-Bid (n.)
"It was natural!!!"

Deschapelles Coup (n.)
The excuse one gives for allowing opponents to make 13 tricks when you hold an offside king.

Diamond (n.)
The "better" minor.

Director (n.)
The person in charge of making sure that those that contribute the most to the club's purse get the most equal treatment.

Discovery Play (n.)
A play intended to obtain information about the location of outstanding cards that your partner always seems to discover in the bar after the match.

Discussion (v.)
Vocalised partnership interaction. If made after a board has been played it is normally heated, if made before a board has been played it is normally cool.

Distrubutional Points (n.)
1. The term you use to explain to the director how you opened your 4 count with 5♥ on the 1 level.

2. A recently rediscovered system of arithmetic originally used by Mayan real estate accountants and readopted by certain types of bridge players.

Although intensely complicated to master (Teochitataul The Elder from Acapulco was the most successful exponent in his day) once understood it is exceptionally accurate.

Adapted for bridge the process is as follows:

1) Add together the length of your longest suits.
2) To this add a weighted sum of your high card points in your longer suits
3) Subtract mercy points for honors in short suits
4) Subtract the number of times you thought during the session that you wish you never opened your bloody hand

Once you have finished the above arithmetic calculation it astonishingly always equals -800.

Divorce (v.)
What happens after you have played more than 4 sessions of bridge with your spouse.

DONT (abbr.)
A convention that comes with instructions for use in it's acronym.

DOPI (abbr.)
An acronym that transforms into an adjective that your partner calls you when you pass an opponents bid with an Ace.

Double (n./v.)
An action with many uses, most result in large negative scores however.

Double Dummy (n.)
Portmanteau word to describe your opponents when they each hold an ace and fail to set your 6NT

Double-Fit (n.)
The epileptic reaction of both your opponents when your partners rape alarm suddenly and mysteriously goes off.

Double-Squeeze (n.)
What you imagine yourself doing to two prominent organs staring you in the face after you discover your partner cancelled your last month's bridge game because she had to stay overnight in hospital for breast augmentation surgery.

Drury (n.)
A convention with its roots in a bygone age, when black tie was the dress code, cigarettes not frowned upon at the table and psychic controls were all the rage.

Dummy Play (adj.)
How your partner describes your declarer play to your team-mates in the post-mortem when you go to the toilet.

Dummy Reversal (v.)
The situation following a transfer sequence where partner gets to misplay the hand.

Duplicate (n.)
A format of bridge competition for pairs, where each table gets dealt the same cards, so as to reduce the level of envy and increase empathy and understanding among the players.